Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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