Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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