So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
