shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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