I should be sponsored by Trojan
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
