she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
