I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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