I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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