i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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