peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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