**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize