Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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