she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
