Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I touched a dick in church today
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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