i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
