I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
