from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
