'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize