WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
