Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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