it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
another moral hangover. fuck.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
