Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
