the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
