Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize