i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
