I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
