Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
