u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
