once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Drunk is a universal language darling
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