apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
