I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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