People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
