Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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