i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
