Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
