dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
