my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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