1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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