Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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