mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
