Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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