I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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