I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
