i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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