It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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