Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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