could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
