i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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