So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
