My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize