these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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