He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
