Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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