i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
