does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
