after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize