They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I just put wine in my tea
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
