why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
