I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
