What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
