I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
