That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
