you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
