yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
