also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
