Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize