you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
