New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Enjoy the penises
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
