We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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