How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
