His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
