she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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