i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
