All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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