i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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