WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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