I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize