I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
