I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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