**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
