Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
