I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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