I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
