Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
