So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
