sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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