This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
