if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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