It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Buhtt sex?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
