there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize