the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize