I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
