It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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