do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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