Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am puke
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
