I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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