You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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