and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
