clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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