Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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