my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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