Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We're too hungover to prance.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
