yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
