everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
