so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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