Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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