your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
