Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
