between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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