I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
